Making Up Permissions

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Trying to be somewhere
Reach a goal
A place
A target

To be better
To be better at something

To be different

I’m not like him or her
I’m different
I’m better… If I’m not then I’m just like anyone else.

God forbids… I strive to be different

In constant effort to be different

How does this benefit me?

Why do i care being different?

What doest it mean to be different?

Yeah.. Not as everybody else.. But why?

People notice different
People notice you
Notice your existance
Validate it
That moment feels good

In that moment you exist a little bit more
Because you feel good.

The moment that people’s councious
attention is on you.
On what you have done, created or said.
Means so much.

Why? Why does it feel good?

Their attention to what you said or done makes you notice more of yourself.
Makes you love yourself a little bit more.
Makes you appreciate yourself a little bit more.

If they love what i have done,
Then it gives me a permission to love what i have done a little bit more.
Or allot more.
Appreciate it more.
To love and appreciate the creator that made this,
that is me.

But do I really need a permission from the outside world to love and appreciate what I do or say?
To Love myself?
Do I really need to be dependant on that permission ?

Anticipating someones permission in order to feel better about myself.

I’m available to myself every second of my existence to be appreciated and loved by myself. Not dependant on anyone’s permission.

I’m here for myself to be noticed appreciated and loved by me.

I’m the one giving all the permissions that I need in order to love and appreciate myself.

I’m the one “making up” permissions
Including those that depend on other people’s permissions.

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Self realization, Self awareness, mentor, speaker, blogger.