Life is not fair, people say that. It is an expression that came as a result of observation of circumstance that is not to our satisfaction. Our dissatisfaction with whatever is going on in our lives – is us refusing to accept life as it is. Because we have expectations and rules for how life should be.
What is fair?
It is an idea that is made up of each person’s preferences of how he would like life to be.
As soon as life doesn’t play fair to our preferences. We’re not willing to accept what is right now.
Since right now is not how I wanted or expected it to be, right now is not fair. I hate right now. Instead of what I want, there’s is this thing that I don’t want.
When life doesn’t play fair and gives us what we don’t want, we have the tendency to express ourselves by being sad with what life presented to us. Since we didn’t get what we want, we perceive ourselves as victims to the circumstance at hand.
Sometimes blaming ourselves for what happened to us.
I’m not good enough to have what I want.
Not pretty enough.
Not worthy enough.
Just like what we learned in childhood. There are conditions that need to be met in order to get what we want. If I’ll be a good boy or girl then I’ll get a candy. Then I’ll get that present that I want. And when we didn’t behave to someone’s liking, we were punished and denied the things we wanted.
Sometimes we were punished for not understanding the logic of things, and the circumstance seemed unfair. Life was unfair. We picked up on that.
When we perceive life as unfair. There is a struggle. A logical struggle to understand why this happened. Why this happened to me. I was playing by the rules. I was fair, honest. I did everything I was taught to do. And still, I was mistreated, punished.
Why this happened to me?
The reasoning to why things happen the way they do is found in your beliefs.
Childhood beliefs perhaps. Current beliefs that might be false.
Beliefs that make you believe that you are a victim of life.
We are not victims of life, we are victims of our own beliefs.
If I don’t have this right now, then I’m not loved.
If I fail to achieve that, then I’m worthless.
If I can’t do that, then I won’t be happy.
A person that is not aware of his or her beliefs, begins to fight life or sink in sadness.
Both behaviors are destructive.
When you fight you’re most likely trying to change what you feel, by trying to change the circumstance.
But the circumstance is not the root of your suffering, your belief is.
Perhaps you’re trying to fight the feeling itself. Denying it, trying to find all the logical reasons for every feeling you have. But then again all your logic is based on your belief system.
Either way trying to fix something by thinking that you are the victim, that life is unfair, is a dead end road. I’ve taken this route many times only to be proven again and again that it leads to nowhere.
Just notice what you feel when you think that life is unfair. Are you the victim? If you think you are. You can continue fighting and suffering, each time getting nowhere. Or you can realize that every circumstance that you find yourself in life is a result of all your current beliefs about yourself and others.
Look beyond the circumstances. The circumstance only reflects your beliefs about yourself and others. Notice what makes you feel bad. It is not the circumstance, it is your belief about the circumstance.
I believe that they shouldn’t behave like this. This makes me feel uncomfortable.
I was fired, I believe that I’m a failure.
I gained a few pounds, I believe that I’m ugly.
I don’t have the car I want, I believe that I’m poor.
Life is not unfair.
Life will show you everything that you are, including what you believe in.
Life is you.
Life wants you to notice who you are so you can make better choices about what you believe in.
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