When people say to you –
Don’t do that
Don’t say that
Why do you think that?
Don’t think that.
You might feel obligated to comply to respect their will, especially when it is someone’s that is important to you. Your partner, your parent, your superior. When someone tells us what not to do or not to say or not think. It feels bad. It feels bad because we have a belief that we are obligated to comply with that person’s request, because we don’t want to upset them, but the request is limiting our freedom.
Our thoughts, words, and actions are tools thru which we express ourselves. Our expression is our freedom. We are free to express ourselves in any way we want and can. When we start to build limits around what and when we shouldn’t express ourselves, due to something that we believe in (like pleasing my partner), we take away our own freedom. Freedom of expression, movement, and thought. That feels bad.
But on top of that after the fact that we already said or did something that someone else disapproved of, we feel guilty for upsetting that someone, blaming ourselves for saying the wrong thing, for hurting that someone, perhaps.
So we try to remember what others don’t like what they disapprove of. We try to tune ourselves by creating limits to what is appropriate. Limiting our actions, words, freedom.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be inconsiderate of people that you love and respect.
This means that no matter what you’re told that you shouldn’t do, say or think, you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Don’t blame yourself for something that already happened.
Instead, try to learn from that. If you believe in the purity and honesty of your intent. if you didn’t want to cause any harm. Then you should stick to that. The other person may think differently. They may not believe you. Then try to simplify and explain once more your original intent. All you need to do is to be true to yourself and honest with yourself.
If you’re misinterpreted, misunderstood. That is not your fault. No point blaming yourself for something that is beyond your control.
Don’t fall into believing that you’re guilty of something when you think that you’re not. Just because you were told you are.
We’re used to thinking in terms of “cause and effect”, “action and reaction”. Thinking logically like that may help you exploring science. But when it comes to people, there is the interpretation of consciousness. Each of us interprets differently the meanings of communication, behavior, and circumstance. Because we have a different set of beliefs regarding communication, behavior, and circumstance.
I might believe that there is nothing wrong in saying the F-word, while the other person would be deeply offended when hearing it because he believes that it is wrong or something like that.
On the other hand, if you are coming from an unbalanced place, like fear, anger, irritation. Please notice this when communicating with others. And understand that you might have said something from that unbalanced place. If you did. Let the other person know that you are aware of that, be humble and apologize. Try to learn from what you’ve noticed. Apologizing helps communicate awareness. You know when you’re wrong to mistreat someone. Pretending to be righteous about being wrong, will feel bad, and will hurt you.
But, If you’re feeling guilty and blaming yourself for not being understood or for hurting someone by not behaving to their preference. Realize that eventually, you’re hurting yourself, and your freedom. You cannot possibly please everyone in your life, and you shouldn’t strive to do that also. Try to live free from guilt and blame, about the things you have no control over. Other people’s happiness is not depending on your actions, words or thoughts. So is your happiness. Choose to be free from limiting your freedom, in favor of other people’s happiness.