The rush of trying to accomplish something in time, to fix something in time. Before it’s too late. Get a job, get into a relationship, get married, get a degree a career, etc. The fear of failing to accomplish things in time is what forces us to live the lives we don’t actually want, but choose to live them anyway. Cornering ourselves into a situation with no way out. Just because we think that this is how we’re supposed to live.
Just because we observed people living this way, just because someone told us to live this way. Thinking about living life differently isn’t an option it might be even condemned by society, by ourselves, because we believe that we should behave like most people in our society. We strive for a perfect behavior that is expected of us by others and ourselves. Any deviance instantly categorized as wrong. So before someone notices my imperfections I better fix them.
I’m busy hiding my imperfections most of the time. Correcting the way I look, the way I behave, make assumptions based on what is acceptable. If I’m not accepted then there is something wrong with me. I just want to be normal, so I better hurry to follow the rules of what is right and accepted by society. I better do it fast before it is too late. Before I’m old, poor and lonely.
Every story you were ever told that scared you created two consequences in your behavior- avoidance and preparation.
You might be scared of losing your job, that you don’t like, and as a result, force yourself to go to work that you don’t like for the rest of your life.
You might be scared of not getting married in time, losing your chance to get married and as a result, you might compromise on someone you don’t love.
You might be scared of not getting a degree, and spend the next years of your life studying something that you don’t even relate to.
Taking action in preparation for the worst is creating unhappiness. Avoiding the worst is the same. You might find yourself avoiding loneliness by being social with the people you don’t really like. You are social because the people you’re with, check all the boxes of your beliefs.
Sometimes we avoid things just because we are told that we should, by someone we trust.
“Oh you should definitely not go there it’s a dangerous place” – okay I won’t.
“Their service is awful, don’t go there” – okay I won’t.
“You don’t have life insurance?! you better do something about it before it is too late” – okay I will.
“You’re not investing your money?! hurry up before it is too late” – okay I will.
Stories that threaten our health, finance, survival, social acceptance, force us to take action we don’t really want to take. We might think we want it, but all we want is to avoid the danger, that is not there. Some danger that might be there someday.
Why? Because some guy said it might be dangerous and the other guys believed him. I’ll just do as they all do.
It is easier this way, safer. It is safer for me to trust the opinions of thousands of others, instead of coming up with my own opinion.
It is easier to be consumed by the life stories of millions that already happened, then to allow myself to dream and create the life I want.
It is easier to look at life that is already out there and make decisions based on that. I must hurry to prepare myself for the countless possibilities that may threaten my happiness and existence before it is too late.
You might be surrounded by countless opportunities to live the life you want but if you only look in one direction, all you will see is one opportunity and it might not even be so great.
Take your time, don’t rush into believing everything that scares you. Your life didn’t happen yet. What scares you is other peoples lives and stories. You may choose to focus on what is scary or you may choose to focus on what life you want to create. If you find yourself that you can’t focus on the positive because the scary parts are too engaging – then get to know your fears and their origins. What stories you believe in that are making you scared? Remind yourself that this is all they are eventually – just stories.