Dating and Relationships

man and woman hugging each other

The most important question you can ask yourself when it comes down to dating and relationships is – How do I feel about dating or being in a relationship?

Ask yourself and see how you feel about it. Are you anxious or scared? Or you’re excited and intrigued? Perhaps you feel pressured to go on a date or finding the right guy or girl. Either way, you need to know how you feel about it.

Getting to know someone is like anything else in life if you start on the right foot it will flow and feel natural. But what do you do if you have social anxieties, fears? You start thinking about consequences and fearing repercussions. Thoughts like – “It’s about time I settle down with someone, I’m well over that age” – will make you feel bad. Social beliefs might pressure you or scare you. What others think about your situation might scare you. If you care about what others think this will also impact how you feel about yourself. Social beliefs take its toll on us, regarding what is “normal”, what is accepted and expected when it comes to dating and relationships.

Comparing oneself to others is also a thing when it comes to this subject. If you look at people your age, your friends, that already have what you want, you may come to a conclusion that something is wrong with you. Perhaps it’s a lack of self-confidence or self-esteem, your personality, the way you look. Finding a flaw is easy, just compare yourself to others that already have what you want and you’re done. But, lacking the tools to deal with something that you don’t accept in yourself or blame yourself for, will make it even worse.

Bottom line is – If it doesn’t feel good you would want to find out why. If you already know why, then you need to know that whatever you’re feeling about this subject right now, including your fears, is okay, it is already accepted by life since it is apart of life. You are already accepted as you are. If you missed on that you can catch up here and here and here and here and here.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 30, 40, 50, 60, 70+ and you didn’t find the love of your life yet, or you didn’t get laid yet, or you don’t have much experience in social interaction. Perhaps you “lived in a cave” and were busy doing something else, that’s okay too. Perhaps you woke up from a coma or had some psychological out physical issue that is also okay. Whatever your current situation is okay. What is not okay is the judging of your past or current situation and your current state of being.

If you judge yourself you get stuck at judging, this is the opposite of what you want. Find out why you judge yourself. What social beliefs are causing you to judge yourself. Whatever it may be it is not the end of you, it is the beginning of you and your freedom. Perhaps your freedom with someone else if you chose to. In any case, you want to be comfortable when it comes to everything in life nevertheless human interaction. You want to be comfortable as you can be, as you are, otherwise, you’ll be busy hiding your “flaws”, and dancing to someone else’s tune that you believe you’re supposed to dance to. Spend some time and get to know yourself first before you get to know someone else.

Yours truly,
Boris.

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