Personal Growth

I wish I’ve known this before

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The one thing I regret the most in my life is making myself believe that things were much harder than they actually were. I regret making it harder on myself by judging myself. The amount of suffering and worrying about judging myself just made my life harder. I wish I knew then what I know now just so I could have had less agonizing emotional experience.

People live in patterns, we learn patterns all the time. With time those patterns become automatic in our everyday life. Patterns are making things easier and comfortable. Once things become automatic they do not require our full attention and sometimes no attention at all. There are basic things that we all do automatically following a pattern, like brushing teeth twice a day, commuting from home to work. When I wonder in retrospect about these simple things I’m amazed how they happen without my full attention. I just know that they happened because I witness the end result. I see that I’m home from work – But I don’t remember driving home. I feel that I brushed my teeth but I don’t remember actually doing that.

Automatic patterns go beyond simple daily routines. We also create mind thinking patterns. Imagine that you have countless mind thinking automatic patterns that take you from one thought to another, without you noticing. This is helpful when you’re involved in a scientific or creative process like math or physics or singing and composing. It is helpful because you just let yourself fly from one thought to another, from one idea to another idea.

But not all patterns that you have created are beneficial. Some are detrimental, causing energy draining, nerve-wracking, bring you down without you even noticing. You just find yourself feeling bad all of a sudden. How did this happen? I had no intention of feeling bad, but here I’m am being depressed or upset. I didn’t put any effort into this, it just happened, you can even say that it happened automatically.

Mood changing thought patterns just like the daily activity automatic patterns take us from point A to B. But unlike the physical behavioral patterns, they are less noticeable. We have a much greater chance of noticing something that we do, using our body senses. But thoughts are different they go all over the place, you can’t see, smell or touch them. If you’re not used to noticing your thought process, you then end up feeling only the end result such as your changed mood or feelings.

What is more interesting to notice that unlike physical patterns, most thought patterns created unknowingly to us and not on purpose. We have no actual saying in creating an automatic thought pattern.

More often than not we embark on a thought journey just because we follow a specific pattern. We are integrated into it on such level that we don’t even notice that we’re on a thought pattern. We believe that it is just us living our lives, nothing more.

For example – When you sit around doing nothing just thinking about stuff and suddenly you feel bad, retrace your thoughts see what thought makes you feel the worst and ask yourself – what do I have to believe in, in order to feel this way after thinking about what I thought right now.

You may find yourself feeling bad constantly thinking about the same issue, over and over to a point that you don’t even notice that you’re thinking about it. You just feel bad, depressed and exhausted for no reason. But the reason is there, the belief about what is making you feel bad is there.

You’re not supposed to live life feeling bad, in agony, in irritation, or depression. If you find yourself in a bad emotional state and you don’t understand why and perhaps you don’t want to understand why and that is okay. But if you do want to make yourself feel better, release yourself from your detrimental patterns of thought and action, by choosing to be aware. Declare to yourself that you want to become aware of that thing that you’re unaware of that is making you feel this way.

If you become interested in changing your state of being you will become aware of your state of being and will be able to recognize those patterns that don’t serve you in your life anymore.

Yours truly,

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