Give yourself permission to be without conditions.
What does it mean?
Give yourself permission to screw up
Give yourself permission to be late
Give yourself permission to judge yourself
Give yourself permission to be afraid.
Give yourself permission to be as you are.
Give yourself permission to be the one that got that low grade.
Give yourself permission to be the one that screwed up that project.
Give yourself permission to be no matter the conditions you’ve set for yourself. No matter the consequences of those conditions.
Allow yourself to be no matter what happens.
Nothing can ever break you or take a chunk of you. You will always be whole. Even when you screw up, fail, or break something. Even when you’re not up to the expectations or standards of yourself or others, even then, you are whole. Allow yourself to be even then. Realize that when the most fearful things are happening, you are then, a whole existing being. So allow yourself to be as you are.
You weren’t born to be perfect, to look perfect, to do things perfectly. You weren’t born to follow rules. Allow yourself not to be perfect. Allow yourself to slip once in a while, to screw up here and there because it is okay. Knowing that you’re not in any case less of who you are, no matter what happens.
Realize that everytime that you screw up and judge yourself that is because you believe in some condition that tells you that you’re not supposed to screw up. Not supposed to behave a certain way, do certain things, say certain things. You believe that you’re not supposed to. You believe that something bad is going to happen if you don’t follow those conditions. We are scared that we either going to be hurt or not going to be loved if we don’t follow some conditions.
We are afraid of the conditions that we set to ourselves. We are afraid to move beyond the boundaries of these set conditions.
So what can one do to disconnect oneself from the self-created limiting conditions?
Choose to be aware of every state that the conditions are triggering you. By becoming aware to your state, you can notice yourself in that state. Notice that in every moment of your existence you are there you’re not disappearing or erasing yourself, you’re not going anywhere, you’re there.
Start being aware that you’re there no matter your emotional state. You are there before and after, whatever it is that you’re going through. When you’re noticing this, you can choose your reaction to what you’re noticing.
Usually, we react by ignoring, or distracting ourselves, just to feel a little better. If you choose to distract yourself or engage yourself in what is happening, you don’t stand a chance of disconnecting yourself from your automatic reactions to your created conditions. You’re just saying “ahh I don’t like this, I’ll look away”. But when you look away nothing changes. While you look away, the conditions stay until the next time they appear.
If you choose to become aware of what is happening and be with what is happening, not judging what is happening, because judging is running away, running away to judging. So if you stay with what is happening, you can try to relax your mind, your body, and your emotions. Calm yourself by saying to yourself, that – it is okay – whatever is going on right now. Whatever is going right now is due to something that is beyond my control, therefore I’m not to blame for this. No one is to blame for this. This emotional state is due to my beliefs, due to the conditions that I’ve set for myself.
Calm yourself, every time, don’t run away. Notice your emotions and choose to calm yourself unconditionally, compassionately. You’re not guilty of anything. You can choose to be with your emotional state and calm yourself, or you can choose to ignore it. After you calm yourself you can look deeper and understand what is causing this, although it is not necessary for everyone. All it really takes is to calm yourself, forgive yourself, for running from yourself, for ever thinking that whatever is happening is your fault or someone else’s fault.