An athlete knows not to push his body beyond a certain limit. They know that they might cause damage if they do. However, there is a resilience margin in which an athlete can push their body to improve their performance. The body is resilient in that margin -it recovers and becomes stronger, nibbler, quicker, etc. It takes discipline and wisdom to know this margin and stay within its limits.
But sometimes our will to reach a goal or some finish line is too strong, and we are not smart enough to notice that we are pushing ourselves beyond our resilient abilities, damaging ourselves by pushing ourselves outside of that margin.
The same principle applies when we push ourselves emotionally. Wanting to fix some issue so we can move on with our lives. Digging harder and deeper, creating more stress and anxiety. On the one hand, If we ignore our issues altogether we stay in the same place, on the other hand, if we push ourselves, by creating demands from ourselves that we are not ready to resolve yet, we create more disappointment and frustration about the issues we’re dealing with.
So how can we find that resilience margin and be smart about not to go beyond it, when dealing with our emotions?
Trust your emotional system to recover by itself, like you trust your physical body to recover. We have developed a habit of trusting our bodies to recover from a disease, an injury, a bruise. But not everyone is aware that they need to trust their emotional system to recover, as well.
We don’t need to do anything special because when there is a problem we know about it by feeling it emotionally or physically. If something is off physically, mentally, or emotionally, that means that something is out of balance. When something is out of balance it tries automatically to regain balance. All we have to do is notice that attempt and allow it to be. If you don’t recognize your pain as something that represents disbalance, you start to worry, fear, stress, bringing more disbalance to your current state. So, get in the habit of trusting your state of being to regain balance by itself. Emotionally, physically and mentally.
How do I know if I’m unbalanced?
Notice how you feel. If you’re hurting physically, emotionally or mentally – you’re unbalanced. Physical pain usually means that you’ve pushed yourself over your resilience level. We do that when we try to fight and fix something in our lives like our circumstances, emotions or other people, meanwhile ignoring how it feels to us.
If you feel bad it is your cue to pay attention. Your emotional body is trying to communicate to you that you are in that resilience margin zone. You either doing, thinking, saying or witnessing something that is causing you to feel this way. Be attentive to yourself when this happens like an athlete. Give your full attention to that feeling. You are growing emotionally right now, training your emotional body. When you feel bad, be careful not to overload yourself with more emotional weight, intentionally. If you do that you’ll push yourself beyond your resilience margin, and recovery will take longer.
That is why accepting what is, and being with what is, without judgment, guilt, shame or blame is important. It is important not to interfere as much as you can with the recovery process of getting back into balance. If you find it hard not to be hard on yourself while feeling bad, that’s okay, forgive yourself for having that habit. Investigate why you do that, and try to see that it is your choice to be hard on yourself because you’re scared of not following some rules or beliefs that you have. Forgive yourself for having those beliefs. The only reason you’ve picked them up – is because you wanted to fit in.
So forgive yourself for everything, forgive yourself for choosing to interfere with your emotional growth.