Personal Growth

How to get what you want

Why we give up so quickly thinking about getting what we want? What’s preventing us from thinking positively and moving towards what we want? What makes us quit even before we start?

These are good questions, with one easy solution that many refuse to adapt. The reason we refuse it because we find it too simple. “How can this be so simple if my life is so complicated?” You might ask, and I’ll reply – are you looking deliberately to work hard to improve your life?

Since we are used to comparing things, we compare the intensity of our suffering to the amount of effort it will take to relieve ourselves from suffering. It’s like going thousands of years back in history and demanding an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth – we apply the same logic when looking to improve our lives.

Before I reveal the solution and the answer to all the questions stated above, let me take you on a journey.


Imagine that your life is a path, you experience whatever appears and disappears on the path. For most, the path of our lives isn’t very clear. Alongside all the beautiful things there are rocks, gravel, mud, all sorts of obstacles that slow us down, like a fog that prevents us from seeing to the distance. We walk the path of our lives stumbling on the rocks, slipping in the mud, getting lost in the fog.

Every time we stumble on a rock and fall we get sad and mad blaming that rock, every time we find our feet in the mud we get frustrated and suffer from our misfortune. When we look for logic there are infinite loops of thoughts preventing us from seeing clearly in the fog of thoughts. Sometimes it seems that everything is against us.


As we walk the path of our life we constantly find something that is not to our satisfaction. Whenever we focus on something we don’t like it is hard to let go. The urge to fix something is too strong, the emotions are too strong. We believe that we know “how everything should be” and if it’s not how we want it to be, it is kinda hard to accept the fact that we can’t fix it or change it, to our preference. We forget that we are walking on a path and many things appear on that path and if we want to get somewhere, we need to keep moving. People give up when they are overwhelmed by the sights and experiences they have. They’re focused on the mud because they don’t want to get stuck in it. They’re focused on the fog because they fear they won’t find a way. They’re focused on the rocks and the debris because they are afraid to stumble and fall, even where there is no mud, rocks, debris, fog, anywhere close to being found.


Our focus on the things that we believe in and afraid of is making us suffer, this is what’s preventing us from trying in the first place to get where we want and what we want. We believe that change is impossible because there is so much that needs to be fixed first. The path should be cleared from all the rocks, debris, all swamps and mud must be dried out before I even make another step forward in the direction that I want to go.

Now imagine walking the path and seeing everything not only what stops you, but also what is making your journey enjoyable. Wake up to the realization that it is not your responsibility to fix anything, all you have is your awareness that is experiencing the world and your willpower (choice) that is directing the focus of your awareness.

The only thing that is preventing you to change is your focus on your own conviction that change is hard, or even impossible. You are choosing to focus on the discontent, the resisting and the fixing of what is already in your existence. The rocks, the mud, the fog. You believe that those things are preventing you from getting what you want. Those things are just scenery on your path. You’re unwilling to let go your attention from what is bothering you because you’re – mentally, emotionally and physically involved in your experience. Become awake to everything, develop the ability to see everything and to choose where to focus your attention. Your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are also a part of this scenery – focusing on them will make you stuck, ignoring them will make you stumble and fall whenever you encounter them.


So if you want to change, make the change now, otherwise you’ll stay focused on what is impossible and hard for the rest of your life. If the change is not immediately reflected on your path, don’t worry, all it means that there is something more important for you to see or to understand before the change happens.

For example, you know that repeated nagging thought that tells you that you can’t. That thought that you can’t and your will to change, contradict one another. So in order for a change to happen, you need to become aware of both and choose one. Perhaps you will need to reevaluate your beliefs about self-worth, to convince yourself that it is not relevant for you to focus on what you can’t. Perhaps there is a childhood emotion that you’ve been suppressing for a long time about your self-worth, that you need to become aware of. Because this is the rock you stumbled on as a kid and ignored it ever since.

If you want something, make your first steps now towards that something. Whatever is relevant for you will surface to the scenery of your path and it will be up to you to decide whether you want to become aware of it or to ignore it. Change is easy as long as you don’t mind seeing the scenery of your own path.

Yours truly,

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