Why we are making ourselves do what we don’t feel like doing, most people do what they don’t want to do. Why we are ignoring our desires, feelings, suppressing our emotions with distractions and addictions?
We compete with ourselves. At each given moment whether you’re aware of this or not, each of us has an Ideal, a goal, a short-term, or long-term goal with which we compete on a daily basis. We compete with ourselves and more precisely with our imaginary selves. The ones that “made it”. The ones that are in shape, and eat a healthy diet. The ones that are living the lives we want to live right now, but can’t, because… we lack resources, motivation, and simply because we are not there yet.
Each time we’re frustrated by not being where we want to be and decide to do something about it, we are competing with ourselves, our imaginary selves. Our lack of love for ourselves right now drives us to make a change, to do something that will change the way we look and feel about ourselves and our lives.
Can you imagine that this is all most people do, they compete with themselves to be some idea that is, by the way, is constantly evolving because there is always something new to desire all the time. This way we are chasing this destination, that is constantly changing its finish line. Making it utterly unreachable.
Our convictions and beliefs of how things should be, how we should be, make us compete with ourselves. Sometimes we find ourselves sitting there by ourselves in an empty quiet peaceful room, and a thought will rise to remind us that “you’re not there yet”. The thought will feel bad naturally because we tend to agree with the fact that the way things are right now is unacceptable. We are used to thinking this way, thinking in terms of what needs to be done or fixed.
We believe that thinking this way will get us where we want to be, eventually. And so we ignore how we feel and the race begins. “What can I do right now to get closer to where I want to be?”
If this is what you do, then here is a news flash especially for you.
You cannot be in two places at one time. This is not a disadvantage. This is for your own sanity. Now, since you are already here, you’ve already accomplished being here right now, and right now and right now and so on…. so cut yourself some slack about not being where you don’t want to be because each time you think about being where you don’t want to be, that moment has already passed, and you are in the next passing moment. Thus you are constantly thinking about the moment that passed – your past.
If you want something different in your current passing moment just focus on what you want and leave the past alone. This way you’ve got nothing left to agonize about. Realize that you don’t want to compete with your past or your future imaginary self. Both are imaginary. Ground yourself to this passing moment that you’re in by focusing on what you like right now. For example – your comfy chair or cuddly blanky, or whatever you appreciate sincerely right now, and if you want something else, just imagine it, like in a daydream. “How it would feel like having what I want”. Take an emotional bath in that, until every bone in your body resonates with excitement.
Try not to define rules and time limits to when and how you’ll end up actually having what you want because this will force you once again to compare your “lacking past self” with your “imaginary self”. You don’t want to compare anything you want to feel what it’s like to already have what you want. When you’ll get what you want eventually, all you will feel then is exactly what you can feel right now by daydreaming about it. The physical stuff is only sensible via the senses that perceive it, that eventually trigger emotion and a feeling that makes the experience happen inside of you, this is what makes it enjoyable. Why put yourself on a waiting list for something to appear physically in front of you when you can feel good about it right now.
For some, it is not obvious to daydream, because some of us believe that it is not “real”. But the only reason we believe that something is not “real” is that because we were told that it isn’t “real”. The kid in every one of us knows what it feels like imagining having your dreams come true.