Awareness is the chooser of reality, of focus. When you are living an experience that you don’t like, you are quickly choosing something else and when that something else doesn’t bring you the peace you want, you focus on that. We are quick to focus our attention on whatever is next. A relief, an expectation of relief, the failure of the coming relief, the going of the relief. Peace is not found in “something”. Peace is already in everything. Don’t force yourself looking for it.
Allow the possibility of peace being already here, and let go of focusing on what can bring you peace. If you do that you will discover that you are not the doer nor the changer of your experience. The experience is happening to you being there in peace. It is your unconscious or conscious decision to disturb that peace by focusing on things like thought, circumstance, people that you believe are the obstacles to your peace.
Everything comes and goes, what stays is your reaction to everything that comes and goes, and that eventually also goes away. We react according to what we believe is important to us. We focus on reacting. We perceive ourselves as the ones that react. We observe our reactions and conclude about a personality that reacts to what comes and goes. But what happens when we don’t react, where is that person? The personality also comes and goes as the circumstances that trigger its appearance.
Imagine that nothing is happening, not in your circumstance and not in your thoughts. What remains then? – You might answer nothing. If there is nothing how come there is a sense of you still being? The mind says if you are nothing you would disappear. But when there is no thought the mind is not there. It cannot interfere with you being even when there is nothing. The thought is rising from nothing to disturb you, to move you from peace.
The thought is not able to grasp with another thought what is its origin, especially when its origin is nothing. The thought will tell you that there needs to be something first for something else to happen. This may drive you crazy trying to figure out what comes first. If you keep focusing on your thoughts you won’t find any answers, you will only anchor your focus on looking.
Relax from looking, fall into nothingness, this will get you closer to sense and get to know your true being. If you are not able to detach yourself from thought, inquire about its origin and see that it doesn’t have one, it has just appeared in your mind, therefore the mind cannot answer your question. The origin of your thoughts is nothingness, emptiness. Stay there for a while to sense and get to know your true being.