Believe it or not, you feel bad because you make yourself feel bad.
Here is why:
- You don’t have to choose sides, but you do it anyway.
- You don’t have to settle or compromise, but you do it anyway.
- You don’t need to believe anything that doesn’t feel right, but you do it anyway.
- You don’t need to do anything that you don’t want that makes you feel bad, but somehow you find yourself doing the things you don’t want to do anyway.
- You don’t need to think about things that make you feel bad, but you worry and do it anyway.
Why we do the things we don’t want to do, is it because we believe that we don’t have a choice?
Imaging choosing not to have something you want right now, or choosing not to be in a particular place right now. Not because you’re giving up on what you want, but simply because you’re “choosing not”, given the current circumstance.
The idea is to always approach a situation, with a mindset of choosing or choosing not. If you choose and find out later that your choice is not possible then choose again after you reassess the situation, even if that means choosing not to go through with your initial choice. With this mindset, it is always you that chooses or chooses not. Doing that you’ll never fall a victim to circumstance, ever again.
Choosing not – is not compromising and forcing yourself to exist with something against your own will, it is simply accepting the fact that right now you can’t have what you want and that’s okay because your existence is not depended on whether you have what you want and whether you have it now or later also doesn’t really matter, because you’re not threatened by not having what you want.
There is a certain gratification only from knowing what you want and what you don’t want because that gives you a direction in which you can go and evolve.
On the other hand, when you compromise on the things that you want or don’t want, you quietly and gradually give up on yourself. When we compromise because we believe that we are not good enough or not worthy enough or not capable enough to have what we want, compromise becomes the silent killer of the self.
Important note: I’m not talking about compromising out of compassion and desire to help. I’m talking about a forced self-compromising behavior, as a result of frustration and a belief of having no other choice but to give up on yourself.
Instead of believing in ourselves and choosing not to have what we can’t have right now because the current circumstance doesn’t allow it or simply because choosing doesn’t always have to result in having or going or getting. To choose not to do something is as important as to choose to do something.
But, instead of reminding ourselves that everything is constantly changing and nothing is constant or final, instead of reminding ourselves there is always the choice of choosing not, we panic and compromise because we believe that we don’t have a choice.
We compromise because we don’t want to be defeated by circumstance. But the truth is that by compromising we declare a silent defeat to ourselves. Why? Because we see ourselves as victims of the circumstance that forced us to compromise. Compromising is also choosing. Choosing to give up on our desires, health, and happiness. Compromising is essentially giving up the responsibility that we have to choose our own destiny.
Also, it is important to understand that you don’t always have to choose. If you find yourself unable to choose, then simply choose by choosing not to choose right now. Whatever you do, always choose or choose not. This will bring you back the confidence of being responsible for your own life no matter what happens.