Many times in our life we get hurt, perhaps even traumatized by some event or someone. If those emotions don’t get resolved we might find ourselves depressed, keep coming back revisiting those emotions, not knowing how to deal with them.
We can’t forget or forgive, because why should we there is no justification for what has happened to us. We won’t forget nor forgive. If we try to forget or forgive that would only mean that we approve of what has happened. And thinking about it repels us from the core of our being.
There are many things that we believe in like justice and punishment that contradict the idea of forgiveness. Justice and punishment are there to defend us, and yet they are the ones that make it difficult for us to move on since we are so deeply involved in pursuing them.
The good news is that this is only one way to look at things, one perspective and I’d like to introduce another one. A broader perspective that perhaps could shed some light on things and help us deal with whatever we are hurting about.
I would like to talk about how far we have gone forgetting about who we truly are in our essence. All the actions that we take and all the decision we make are all desperate attempts to get back to who we truly are without being aware of that.
What do we all look for? What do we all want? Happiness for sure. Everyone wants to feel good and to feel loved without exception. Even if you try to think real hard about the most horrible human being that has ever lived, that human also wanted to be happy and loved. It is a simple fact but not so simple to digest. What will make it easier perhaps to digest is acknowledging that nobody likes to suffer emotionally or physically.
But what do we do when we do not want to suffer? we look for ways to relieve ourselves from how we feel, some may succeed more than others in doing so. Coming up with different ways to distract ourselves from pain. And I think that you will agree that the stronger the pain is the stronger the distraction must be to numb the pain, otherwise it would not work.
People come up with some acute distractions to satisfy their need for not feeling pain. Sometimes the pain is so unbearable that it causes people to hurt other people while they are looking for that relief. We all found ourselves one time or another in the heat of the moment arguing with a loved one and then regretting the things we’ve said because what we’ve said hurt them. Of course, this is only one example but you can easily see how things can get out of hands, lead to all kinds of assaults. A very strong emotion might overtake our ability to be objective and when that happens we are blinded from everything else but our own suffering. For that moment we are the victims and everyone else is to blame.
With that said, most distractions to our everyday problems are not that extreme in their nature but they do lead us into a neverending search for happiness. If you want to become aware to the distraction you’ve created in your life just describe your everyday life to yourself and see the things that you repeat on doing on a daily basis to find some relief. Even the things that we are repeatedly expecting to happen are all there for some sort of relief.
For example, how many times a day are you looking for that recess whether you’re in school at work or any other activity that you don’t like doing but force yourself to attend. How many times you think about having that drink, that next smoke, that next cup of coffee, the next sexual encounter, that next time you scroll through social media. We look for these kinds of distractions to take our minds from the things we don’t like. Those things aren’t necessarily connected to a specific activity, they can also be unpleasant memories, emotions, and thoughts.
One of the reasons many believe that money can buy happiness is because money has the potential to buy different distractions to avert our attention from ourselves to something else, to change the emotional experience we’re having. However, if you become self-aware, you will come to realize that you spend more time looking for distractions then actually being happy. At the end of the day, if you’re not toasted, or drunk, the moment before you fall asleep or any moment that you find yourself experiencing only yourself, you are on your own, there is no one to distract you from you accept your thoughts.
We may spend our entire lives chasing experiences that make us happy without being aware of what we are doing. Trying to cover up our emotional load, looking for distractions to relieve us from our pain and bring us a little closer to happiness.
Instead of facing the truth about human nature we are busy looking for who to blame, who to punish, who is deserving of our forgiveness and who is not. Forgiveness is not about compromise, it is not about coming out as the better person, it is not about mercy.
Forgiveness is all about compassion. Compassion is seeing and understanding that there is no one to forgive because there is no one to blame because every action that ever hurt somebody, was as a result of a desperate and blind attempt to find happiness.