Are you having difficulties committing to what you want to achieve? Do you find yourself quitting even before starting? Empowerment speeches don’t do it for you anymore? You just don’t see yourself overcoming the obstacles in your life. If any of this is true you might want to get a deeper realization about your situation.
When we find something that we want to achieve, we immediately turn our attention to doing. What do we need to do to have what we want? Sometimes, looking at all the work that is ahead can be overwhelming. But even more then that, sometimes we don’t have the opportunities that we need in order do the work.
We rush into doing, trying to plan everything ahead to the last detail. And when we look at the plan we created, it feels overwhelming. Feels like trying to drink a bottle of water in one sip. But why is that?
It doesn’t matter if what we need to do is clearly laid out in front of us or not, we still want everything immediately accomplished. Fear is the only reason that we want everything right now and here is why.
Doing gives us a sense of control over our lives, everyone believes that they are in control of their life to some extent. Doing is the manifestation of choice, of our desires of free will. But when we don’t know what to do in order to get what we want, we lose the sense of controlling our own lives leaving us hanging in fear of the unknown.
So when you look at your plan and see everything that needs to be done and you understand that you can’t do it all right now, you begin to sense that lack of control over your life. The same applies when you don’t have a plan and looking for what to do in order to get what you want, again you’re not in control.
All we want is to have the ability to do something in order to get what we want and when we get a sense that we don’t have that option- we quit. Not knowing what to do or being unable to do something we want feels like we’re not in control – we are in the unknown, and that can be scary.
But what can we do?
Release control to get control. Confusing right? I’ll explain.
First, realize that you don’t have control over the outcome of all things, so it is pointless trying to be in control over things that are not here yet. Secondly, You only have control of how you react to what is already here. And that is really all you need.
We go on imagining that we need to control our every future step that hasn’t even presented itself. But how can you control something that isn’t here? You can’t, but that doesn’t stop us from fearing not being in control about what is not here.
All that fear essentially results in wanting to get results immediately, without doing the work or waiting. And that usually leads to quitting.
That is why all the empowerment and coaching strategies put emphasis on starting and focusing on what you can do right now, so you can get a sense of having it under control. If you focus on doing what you can do right now you will find everything you need is already there at your disposal. However, if you have an unsettling mind you might be distracted by thinking about the future again and quitting.
But how do we really know what we want? Sometimes we may believe that we want something only for the sake of relief, or to prevent something from happening.
When people say that they want to lose weight or quit smoking, they talk about achieving something that resembles a trophy that you put on a shelf. Losing weight or quitting smoking is one of the end results of wanting to be healthy. But being healthy is a lifestyle, something that you can only achieve by caring about it every day. Otherwise, you will gain back that weight and return to smoking.
When people talk about their job titles or how much money they make, while not being passionate about the work they do or hating their jobs, they only do it for the resume job title or the money. Job title and money are also trophies, that have very little effect or no effect at all on your overall happiness in life.
When people take pride in being together for ten, twenty years or more in a relationship, does it mean that those years were spent in understanding, love, and friendship?
We sometimes confuse what we truly want, for trophies. We should be interested in the path we take, the lifestyle we live, the meaning it has, and the purpose it serves, feeling passionate about what we do. And if that life leaves us with a trophy in our hands, then… who cares, right?
If you are looking to place your achievements of the past on a shelf or to have an impressing resume or perhaps you want to leap over your current situation and emotional state right to the end, for me that kind of beats the purpose of living. Don’t you think?