The disapproval that we feel towards ourselves or others is often followed by a forceful attempt to accept what is for the sake of feeling better or preserving peace. Even though we might disagree with our parents, partners, friends, children, we often will choose not to engage in an argument despite the way we feel. Trying to accept the situation as is sounds good on paper, but sometimes in real life, it is challenging to do.
Acceptance of this kind is really an attempt to avoid how we feel by trying to sacrifice ourselves for the greater good. Even though we support values like freedom of choice and free will, our bodies and minds often react against that, trying to control and change the other person’s behavior and opinions. But as long as we believe that something is worth the sacrifice of our feelings, we’ll continue to ignore how we feel until the very end or until we finally break emotionally.
People choose to be flexible and adaptable, for the greater good at the cost of how they feel. This is a recipe for unhappiness. Ignoring our feelings is making a choice to avoid what is happening right now with our bodies, in favor of some idea. This type of acceptance really becomes an excuse to avoid what we feel. It doesn’t matter what you are trying to accept, as long as you force it, it means that you are running form yourself. The same applies when we avoid thinking about personal emotional issues, in order not to fall into depression.
True acceptance has nothing to do with effort or force, it is the opposite of that. It is grace, it is our willingness to be with what is. To choose to be present with ourselves no matter how we feel. Everything eventually transforms into something else when we pay attention.
The law of conservation of energy states – the energy of an isolated system remains constant. In other words, if we keep isolating ourselves from our emotions, our emotions don’t have a chance to transform and resolve. As a result, we will never grow emotionally.
Try to notice the uncomfortable things in your life that you force yourself to accept, the stuff that makes you ignore how you feel. There is no need to fight or be right about the things you compromise on. Begin by taking a break when you think you need it, to be with your emotions in solitude. Either to gain a greater perspective about what is happening or just by giving yourself the attention you need.
How our body feels today is a direct result of our past decisions and experiences that most of which we don’t even remember. But we don’t need to figure out our past to move on. Accepting our feelings and emotions gracefully by allowing ourselves to feel without judgment is a great place to start healing.