Giving in to change, allowing yourself to change, to change your mind, your thoughts, beliefs, your job, sometimes even break your prior engagements and promises because things change and you change. We surround ourselves with obligations, contracts, promises that we’re afraid to break. What others would think? Would I be able to survive or ask for help if I change? Questions of this sort scare us from even beginning thinking about changing our lives.
Things like pride, status, disappointing others, scare us and we do not dare to explore why. Declaring instant defeat to fear. We’ll do anything not to feel vulnerable. Otherwise, the image that we’ve created of ourselves might crumble and nothing will remain of us.
We build our own image, and then we walk on our toes to preserve it from shattering. Obeying social norms, worrying about consequences to actions before acting, and as a result not daring to act sometimes. Many parents are afraid that their kids would break something, and they stop their children attempts to explore by seeding in them their own fears.
So many rules. So many thoughts. Like grains of dust falling on our shoulders. Instead of blowing them off, we let them sit and turn to heavy rocks we cannot move. We carry these heavy burdens into our graves. We conclude that it must be the only way because we see everybody else do it. And we find comfort in the fact that we are not alone in this life struggle.
The most reliable way to continue living life in sorrow is to be convinced about the inescapable misfortune, struggle, victimhood we find ourselves in. To believe that there is no other way – is to look away from any other possibility in existence. We choose to become ignorant by stating to ourselves that we’ve figured out our lives, we know it all. We know how it is going to play out from now on. The most reliable way to get somewhere is to be convinced that you will. If its heaven or hell it really doesn’t matter, everything is possible once you set your mind to it.
You can’t change if you don’t believe that change is possible. We don’t need proof that we can change and yet we look for one before we do. The problem is that we are impatient. Once we want something, we start looking for the how’s, the when’s and the where’s. And when we can’t find some of the answers to our questions, we deem the thing that we want as un unattainable.
A child learning how to walk doesn’t quit because he doesn’t know how to learn to walk or doesn’t know when and where it will eventually happen. A child doesn’t look for proof that it is even possible. He accepts his limitations, not knowing how to balance the body or to develop appropriate muscles. He has no assurance that he ever will, he has no one to teach him. And yet day in day out, children around the world choose to go after what they want accepting their circumstances. So if they can work with what they have, what makes us so sure that we can’t?
Demanding to know how, when and where, is just our expression of impatience and lack of love that we have towards ourselves, our unacceptance of our thoughts, body, emotions, and circumstance. We refuse to work with what we have, refuse to accept what we have because we believe that we shouldn’t be the way we are.
Most of our lives we were busy collecting and obeying rules others have set for us because we wanted to fit in, to be accepted, and loved. But once we found out that we couldn’t keep up with these demands we started judging ourselves, feeling unworthy, unaccomplished, unloved. And then we try to get rid off all of these emotions that we don’t want to feel and these thoughts that we don’t want to think by distracting ourselves, or sinking in depression.
No one can tell you how to change. Only you know where you are right now and from where you can start to change. Working with what you have right now might suck due to feelings and thoughts that we have about ourselves and our situation. But, understand that only you can accept yourself right now as you are, with all of your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. Only you can give yourself a break and choose to see yourself and your circumstances as they are.
Once you are ready to face yourself, you can start dusting yourself off from all the rules and beliefs that lured you into believing that you need to live up to someone else’s standards to be accepted or loved. You are the only thing that you have, so work with what you’ve got.