Did you ever stop to think why you are the way you are? Why you’re affected emotionally by some things while other people don’t? Why is it hard for you to let go of something or someone? Why is it hard to change? What can you do to make it easier on yourself?
Most people when feeling negative emotions and thinking negative thoughts believe that it is just the way they are and this is life. They don’t question themselves and the life they live because they think that others view life exactly as they view life. I was like that at some point in my life, we all been there, perhaps some of you reading this are still there. Completely absorbed in what is front of us.
Think about how you value yourself, your efforts, your skills, your time. The only reason we are emotionally affected by our sufferings is that we don’t believe in ourselves. Our mind gets involved when we feel emotional pain. We seek answers, logic and make conclusions about ourselves, about what we’re capable of, and how much or how little we are loved as a result of what we think about ourselves.
There is a hidden message when concluding and thinking low about yourself by looking at your abilities, environment, and circumstance. The message is – “I am the result of what I see in front of me”. Therefore, I’m not capable of being more than what I am already. In other words, I do not deserve more. What I am and what I have, is what I deserve.
Most of us walking around living our lives to this subliminal tune that is playing in the background, telling us what we can’t have and what we don’t deserve. Although we are unaware of this message, it is felt emotionally.
Every time we get excited about wanting something, but then realize that we can’t – a vast hole opens up inside. We feel empty. Feeling bad is something we get used to, and as time goes by, we lose the ability to understand why we feel bad.
One way to understand yourself is to think about the things that you believe will make your life better or will help you feel better. Now think about what is stopping you from having what you believe can make you feel better. If your answer is some circumstance, then ask yourself what is preventing you from changing that circumstance.
There is only one thing that can prevent you from feeling good. It is you. Only you can decide how important it is for you to feel good and change your life. The problem is that most of the time we don’t follow through with our plan. It is not because we lack desire it is because we are used to living the way we already do, our lives are familiar, our problems as much as we hate them, are predictable. Why commit to something new that requires effort when you can fall back into an old routine.
Why do we lack the power to commit? The dedication to proceed with our desires? What stops us from changing our lives? We already know that it is us but what can we do?
Become aware of your emotions that are preventing you from moving forward and more importantly understand what they are.
Most think about emotions as a state of being. But they are more than that. We allow our emotional state to determine our actions. For example when you say – “I feel like this, so I want that“, “I don’t feel like it so I won’t do it” – It is us letting emotions run our lives.
Sure we can ignore the way we feel but that would not change anything in the long term, and it will only make our current experience harder to deal with.
When you feel empty or unmotivated, lacking self-esteem or courage, it all reflects how you see yourself. If you’ve valued, appreciated and believed in yourself, a change would not be something you would stop to think about. You would be already on your way to get what you want.
What can we do with our emotions?
Observe them without pitying yourself. There is a huge difference between merely feeling an emotion and projecting our future as a result of feeling an emotion.
When we think that we are victims or that we believe that we can’t, we are taking what we know about ourselves right now and projecting a conclusion about our limiting possibilities into the future.
How do you feel without agreeing with what you think about yourself?
Now that you know what you think and believe about yourself it is time to see why you have come to think and believe the way you do.
Let’s observe a life-changing event that changes someone’s opinion about themselves. Before the event happens, a person is walking around pleased about who he or she is. Then some event is starting to happen. Something is happening for 30 seconds involving our person. After 30 seconds everything goes back to the way it previously was, the event passes by and disappears as if it never happened. However, our person is not the same. A person became convinced that what has just happened was important enough to change his or her opinion about themselves.
Understand that your initial opinions about yourself didn’t come from you. You either learned from observation, saw yourself as a part of a specific demographic, or you were told what you are and what you are not from someone important to you like a parent or a friend you admired. In both cases, you were witnessing an event that convinced you to change your perspectives about who you are. That is right it was you. Contemplate about this for a minute.
Whatever you decided to believe in had a feeling attached to it. That feeling is present with you today. Every time you encounter a circumstance that has to do with what you think about yourself, you immediately feel whether or not you are up for, without thinking.
You might have the memory that will allow you to trace every event that created negative opinions about yourself, but most of us don’t. What we do have is our bodies that remember emotions on a cellular level because we are built to survive. This memory is an emotional instinct.
So if at one point in time we begin to believe that we can’t do or achieve something, our body remembers emotionally. It remembers because it is crucial for us not to be seen as failures, it is crucial for us to be accepted and loved by others because this is how we survive. Our survival depends on society and being around other people.
Next time when your body reminds you about how you feel about what is possible for you, remind yourself that it has nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with how you chose to see yourself in the past. With that said there is nothing you can do when emotions arise. You might find it interesting to trace what happened and why you think what you think about yourself, or not. It doesn’t matter.
How you feel has nothing to do with what is possible. It is only your body’s response to be safe. Choose to be with your feelings while realizing that there is no need to judge yourself for how you feel. There is no need to think about what you are capable of and what your future looks like.
If you let yourself feel without projecting what is possible or not, your emotional body will begin to heal because whatever made you feel bad about yourself in the past, is now replaced by understanding and acceptance of self that doesn’t define itself by past or current events and circumstance.