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Lies, dishonesty, deceptions, broken promises – Why does it hurt?

Sometimes when we are lied to, we call it deception, disrespect, other times we call it a betrayal. Either way, you look at it, we feel hurt, and the reason we get hurt is that we depend on other people's opinions about us. And when we find out that our source of approval was dishonest we begin to question our own worthiness

Lies, dishonesty, deceptions, broken promises hurt. But why and what can we do about it?

Sometimes when we are lied to, we call it deception, disrespect, other times we call it a betrayal. Either way, you look at it, we feel hurt, and the reason we get hurt is that we depend on other people’s opinions to approve of us. And when we find out that our source of approval was dishonest we begin to question our own worthiness.

Majority of people’s self-esteem and confidence is based on other people’s opinions about them. When your inner feeling of okayness is placed in the hands of society, every time society disapproves, disrespects, or betrays you, you feel a decrease in your self-esteem and value. This happens when you lose your job, your partner leaves you, when someone says something bad about you, or deceives you. Causing you to believe that something is wrong with you, that you are lacking something.

When we rely on someone else to continually approve us, we entrust them with our most inner sense of well-being, which is our safety, and if they no longer approve of us we feel compromised.

In other words, when the circumstances you rely on to validate you, approve of you, or respect you turn against you, you begin to feel weak and less confident. This might lead to empowerment if you can completely disconnect yourself emotionally from what has happened and move on.  However, this isn’t always possible, especially when we’re talking about long-established social relationships. 

We were all taught to seek approval from the outside world, starting from kindergarten. Our efforts talents and achievements were graded and then translated into worthiness by our minds.

That is why it is essential to choose to do what you love and not what you are expected to do, so you can first fulfill yourself and feel worthy for giving yourself what you wanted.

That is why it is crucial to love without conditions, so you won’t need to depend on love.

It is essential to know that no matter what happens, eventually your worthiness comes only from you. Nobody is responsible for you feeling worthy but you. Don’t expect people to validate you. Validate yourself, appreciate all your efforts even the ones that failed. Claim back your power, by bringing back all your dispersed energy to the origin, which is you.

Yours truly,
Boris.

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