Understand that nothing defines you, not even your thoughts and emotions. Choose to focus all your energy on relaxing by diverting your attention to relax your body, without changing anything. You don't allow yourself to feel good because you're absorbed in fighting or disapproving of something or someone or yourself. You don't need to do that. If you think that you do this is your stubbornness talking, not you.
As children, we are physically and mentally limited. Therefore we rely on our parents to care for us. We learn to trust and depend on external factors, to feel safe. As a result, we find ourselves continually expecting the feeling of safety to come from the outside.
Life tends to sway us from side to side, put us down, show us that what we want is not realistic. Society influences us about how we need to live our lives and judges us if we divert from the conventual ways of living. As a result, we prefer to isolate and avoid people that lecture us how we should live our lives